Does your heart ever ache for something more?
A dissatisfaction of a good kind. The kind that urges you to stretch for more, and compels you to make changes, that demands you reach further? My heart has been aching for more recently.
More of God, more of his love, more of his rule, knowing him more.
More of my friendships, more accountability, more openness, more service, more encouragements, more intentionality.
More of my everyday, to be more present in what I do, more attention given in the now, drink in more of each moment.
The ache has been growing stronger and stronger, and last night I had a dream which took that ache onto the level of forcing me into action. I dreamt of that more. I dreamt of a day where I knew God so much more, where I knew his love so much deeper. A day where I hung out with friends and our hearts tied together, we took the risk of being vulnerable with each other, we corrected each other in love, we served each other, we laughed together, we wept together, we cried for each other, where we were Christ to each other, we took each other into another depth of God. A day where I was aware of every detail, where each moment was important. I awoke from my dream a little overwhelmed to be honest. I felt like I had just really spent the day fellowshipping with an awesome God, and some wonderful people. I awoke feeling blessed. I awoke with an aching heart, I don’t want that just in dreams, I want it in real life, in my everyday.
It will take intentionality, it will take effort, it will take self-discipline, it will take courage, it will take refinement, it will take less of me and more of Him. But it will be worth it, and my heart aches so intensely I know I must begin to reach, to stretch, to change. Do you long for more? Will you join me in reaching?
Will you ask me how I’m doing on this quest for more? Will you encourage me to keep stretching? I need you, my friends, to check in on me, and I will answer honestly.
I watched a TV program once, or maybe it was part of a film. It was many years ago now… but it spoke a lesson to me, which has been rattling inside me since. And this week it really hit home once again.
In this program a young girl lost her voice, and she started out being very frustrated by it, but because she couldn’t talk, and therefore couldn’t go about her normal daily activities (she was a singer in the program I think), people would come and sit by her. At first they would just let out odd comments, but slowly they began to open up to her. After a day or two she began to give in to her circumstances, and she used her weakness to her advantage. She listened to people, people would come and tell her their thoughts and fears, they’d open up to her, tell her their excitements, share all their joys and their sorrows. All she could do was sit and listen, and occasionally she would nod, or give them a hug, or a smile. She learnt a lot during those few days, and it changed her character, but it also really blessed those around her. Having someone who was there, not to judge, not to try and fix things, but just to listen.
It made me think, how available am I to people? How willing am I to just listen? How well do I hold back on judgements? How many people around me are just in need of an ear? It’s shaped my life from that moment (yeah even as a teenage I read far too much into TV shows!) I try to be intentional about being available, about being flexible, about being quick to listen, free to love, and slow to speak. I more often than not miss the mark, and although this lesson has stuck with me and gone round and round my thoughts, it’s not always been acted on as intentionally as other times.
This week I was sick, stuck at home, stuck in bed. I missed my friends, my church, my family, the people I do life with. I wished I could go out, socialise, fellowship, “serve”, actively being. I remembered that lesson. I couldn’t do things, but I could be, and I could still be available. Throughout the week I had numerous phone calls, emails, texts, conversations with people. Just wanting an ear, needing to share. I listened (there wasn’t much else I could do!), and I prayed. I had visitors throughout the week, people who popped by and would end up telling me a tale, or a decision before them, or some other situation, and asking for prayer. I felt useless, not being able to do anything. But I was available, and my availability led to a big blessing. I sought God, I bought the pleas of others before him, I lent my ears to others, and in my sickness I was too lethargic to judge, or speak.
It was like that lessons from years ago hit me again. Be available. Stop doing, stop trying to fix it, stop trying to work it out, stop judging. Be available.