It’s Friday, and I’m back blogging, after possibly the longest break ever. Thank you God for restored internet!
This weeks topic is…
I have wandered this earth for as long as I can remember; I was too young to wander on my own legs, so carried in the arms of others I wandered from one place to another. More houses than years, sights and smells from across the globe etched into my mind, experiences beyond my age. I have wandered, and in every place my wandering has taken me to I have asked “Is this where I belong?”
Family, friends, boyfriends, teachers, they all come and go. I have met too many to count; I have had long lasting friendships, and those which are fleeting; I have known family close by and family scattered all over the world with not a word for months. In all this meeting, and greeting, and knowing, and being together, I have asked “Is it with you that I belong?”
No place, no person, has ever been able to answer those questions with a convincing “yes”, not one has put my heart at total ease and comfort, has allowed me to give a sigh of relief and say with total confidence “This is where I belong, here, with you.”
I know where I belong, it is in the now and the not yet, it is with the revealed and yet still to be fully known. It is in heaven, with my Savior King, that I shall finally exhale long and loud and say “This is where I belong!” Then when I am with my creator, lover, redeemer, father, friend, God, and king, I will know real belonging.
That time and place often seems so far off, and yet in the mean time He gives me glimpses of what it will be like. The sweet fellowship shared among His children, the welcome received from those who know our Dad, the intimate times in surrender and worship when it’s just me and Him. It is in those moments when I taste a small flavour of what it will be like to fully belong.
I’m part of an amazing community group called (in) This Season, part of the (in)Courage family. As a part of the community each week we’ll be writing a blog post to share with each other. To find ut more about (in)Courage click on the button below.
I’ve spent my summer celebrating, relaxing, reconnecting with friends and family, being surrounded by joy. But in amongst all that there were griefs too. I watched as friends and mentors were buried, I said my own goodbyes and grieved alone as friends far away finished their race here. But mainly, mainly I have been surrounded by joy, and it has been good for my soul, it has been a much needed change.
One day, in amongst all this joy, I faced a difficult task. I had to watch as someone I knew made a choice which meant I would no longer be in their life the same way I had been. I may still be a part of it, but my part will be smaller, and our relationship will be weaker. I had to watch them walk out of my life and watch after their backs and they faded into the distance. I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but the tears came nonetheless. My heart ached, and I wanted to run after them, but I knew I must stay and watch them walk. In the midst of it I sat still, and I begged God to remain close, and He did. I asked him for an explanation, and I didn’t get one. Instead I got this:
“Feel how much this hurts Emilie? To have them walk away, after all you’ve done, after the way you’ve loved. To watch them walk out of your life, and to know they’ll be much distant from now? Feel how much that hurts? Now imagine how much it hurts when the person I was tortured for, the person I loved like no-one else had loved them, the person I bled and died for, walks away from me. Think about how much that hurts me.”
My tears changed, from one of self-pity, to ones of brokenness for the rejections my saviour faces day after day.
In that moment my heart was re-awakened with a passion to reach those who reject. For my lover, and my saviour, for he deserves more than to be rejected. He deserves love and praise and gratitude, if only they would see and understand what He did for them. Knowing too that if they stop rejecting the embrace of love and grace they will experience will be far greater than anything else in their lives.
It was late yesterday by the time I sat down to write, and I almost did. I pulled up a blank page, and was about to write. Just a sentance or two, I had no energy to write more than that, but I had to write, I couldn’t fail. Then I stopped. I never want to write out of obligation, or out of duty. I never want to blog because I should. I want to write from my heart, I want to write honestly, and I want to write whilst being all there, I don’t want to give you my leftovers. So I didn’t write, and I didn’t count myself a failure. Instead I woke up day to treat it as a new day, and I new beginning.
So here we go… Day 5, Proverbs 5
Well this chapter seems to be all about marital faithfulness, which believe me I am ALL for. Seriously trampled on promises, and broken marriages suck for all involved. Thank God for forgiveness, grace and His healing.
I am single, never been married, not once, honestly! So my question is, what truths or principles are in here that I can learn? Three things I think:
1) Wisdom is important (I see a theme here!) I need to really take it on board.
2) The sin before me may look and seem wonderful, sweet, fun, and harmless; but in reality it’s not and it will end in disaster if I follow it.
3) God sees all I do, there’s no hiding from him. Scary, when I’m out to disobey him, to shame him, he’s there, he knows. Comforting, there’s nothing I’ve done he doesn’t know, nothing I need to hide from him, nothing he isn’t willing to forgive. Nothing that will stop him loving me.
Those are my lessons from Chapter 5.