Such a loaded word. Full of so many requirements. Just that one word.
No lists of things to accomplish,
No new endevours,
Just one word, simply one word, a year marked by one word. [Find out more about One Word here]
I have written before, I am entering 2012 in a way I have never entered a year before.
No set plans
No vague plans
No knowledge of what the year ahead holds
Just a foreboding- yet exciting – emptiness, freedom, uncertainty, a year with great potential, yet no path through it.
I sat thinking about 2012, 2012, that one date that everyone kept mentioning, 2012, it filed me with a sense of fear and panic, it made me want to close my ears. Why? It’s just a date, it’s just another year. I pleaded with my father in heaven, “Search my heart, show me why I hate hearing those two words -twenty twelve -“. I sat and waited. I realized, 2012, the year of a blank canvas, not a fresh start, there is nothing on my agenda to start, just a blank canvass of nothingness, as far as my eyes can see. I poured out my heart, cried out my emotions, asked God to see this through His eyes, the eyes that see further and clearer than mine, the eyes that have an eternal perspective. I felt my heart slow, my body relax, my mind be at peace, and my spirit uplifted. A blank canvas; the potential to do anything, anything, God could ask of me; the freedom to go wherever, be whoever, do whatever; the expectation of working for eternity, no barriers from pre-set plans.
A few evenings later I sat, in a dark, cold room, doodling by candle-light. What could my One Word be? I wanted something different, thought provoking, poetic sounding, profound. I tossed the possibilities over and over in my mind, I wrote them down in fancy letters, I rolled them off my tongue. Then I heard it, a whisper to my heart. “Trust”. Trust? How normal, simple, boring. I heard it again, a little more forceful this time “Trust” . My heart clenched, my mind screamed, my eyes closed, my ears tried to be deaf, but you cannot silence the voice of God. Trust, the word, simple, boring. Trust, the action, difficult, vulnerable, scary.
In amongst the uncertainty, the chaos of the year ahead I need to constantly trust, over and over again, moment by moment choose to trust God. Choose to trust the One who is bigger than I, who has a plan, for whom nothing surprises, who wants only good for me, who is working to build eternity.
So in 2012 I will rely, I will lean on God. I will attempt to TRUST.
I’ll be posting a review of my progress with my One Word every 3 months, and no doubt it will shape many other posts. So come back, keep me accountable, see how TRUST is shaping my life.