God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing


Be my everything, be my everything, be my everything. You are everything, you are everything, you are everything. Jesus, everything, Jesus, everything, Jesus everything.

[Song by Tim Hughes]


God is God, in all circumstances He is God, when I’m hoping and dreaming, He is God. When I’m watching and waiting for those hopes and dreams to come, He is God. When I’m laughing, and when I am being healed, He is God. And when I am weeping, and hurting, He is still God. In the joy and the sorrow, He is God. In the hope and the despair, He is there.


He is, never failing, never ending, never forsaking, never changing, never weak, never breaking. He is always there, always loving, always ready, always strong… always... always.


Will I make Him Lord in all circumstances? King of all seasons? Will I allow Him to be God in my everything? To take my everything?


Will I abandon my control, let Him be God, and trust? Will I simply walk the path set before me, looking upwards, and follow with love and trust?


You are everything, Be my everything, Jesus, everything!


Jesus Gave It All…… At Christmas

We often hear about the sacrifice Christ made… at Easter, the suffering, the pain, the endurance, and ultimately the death on that tree that he died. How much he gave for us… at Easter, what a sacrifice of love… at Easter, what amazing grace… at Easter, and what a victory… at Easter.


But what about Christmas?


The past year has served to show me just how broken this world is, how painful this life can be,  and just how far from perfection we have gone. This is not how God intended it, this bares almost no resemblance to the world the God will restore, and this, this is hell compared to Heaven. As I sat and contemplated this, I saw something new. Jesus gave it all… at Christmas. This is Christmas, this is why Christmas is so special, so amazing.


Christmas is when the choice was made. Christmas is when the victory began. What a sacrifice Christ made… at Christmas, what love He showed… at Christmas, how much He gave up for us… at Christmas.


From a perfect, united existence, He came to us, to this. From a painless, joyful, hope-full, deathless, priceless, loving, perfect Heaven, He came. To a world of brokenness, of pain, of despair, of death, of war, of hard, costly living, of hate, and sin, He came. He sacrificed His perfect existence, his world of bliss, to be with us, to be with me, to be for me, to lead us, to give us a way, to make me a path, to show me my father. He cameat Christmas. He sacrificed all that… at Christmas.


The choice was made, to become, in some ways, a broken trinity, to sacrifice comfort and safety, to step down, to give it all up, at Christmas. The choice to make a way, to provide grace, was made… at Christmas. The choice to have the victory over sin and death was made… at Christmas.


So I understand, Jesus gave it all… at Christmas.


And as if that wasn’t enough, He sacrificed so much more, and followed through... at Easter. 


This year as advent began and I sat and reached out to God through the mist that surrounded me, through the wonderings of why, through the frustration and annoyance, through the brokenness, through the bitterness, I began to thank. Praising God for entering in to my wonderings, my frustration, my annoyance, my brokenness, my bitterness, Thanking God for giving it all… at Christmas. 

A God Bigger Than Life

I’ve not written anything in several days. No letters, no emails, no journalling, no blogging, my pen has been dry, my fingers still, my screen blank, yet my mind has been noisy, my heart racing, thoughts in knots, going round and round, getting tangled, contradicting each other, never dwelling on one thing long enough to make sense of it, never riding a train of thought till the end. So I find myself lost for words, not for a lack of things to write about, but from the overwhelming vastness of it all.


Yet, I find myself writing anyway. I remind myself, I am walking the path of authenticity, this is the place of authenticity, and I hope maybe tapping the keys will help me process, help me focus, maybe putting it in black and white will make straight the tangled mess. As I write this I have no idea what I will speak about, or of, or where this will go. I only hope it will go somewhere.


Life is complicated, there is nothing straightforward about it. Life is hard, almost everything is tainted with some bitter. Life is heavy, every thought, action, decision has consequences, every memory a mass of emotions attached. Life is broken, this was never how God intended it.


Yet is is so simple, just let go. Life is full of complex choices, choices I am not qualified to make, yet I have a father in heaven who is more than qualified. Life is hard and painful, yet God promises to be my strength and comforter. Life is heavy and tiring, and God lets me rest in His arms, and leads me through the storms, and stays as my constant through all the emotions. So let go, and trust God.


Life is broken, and God made a way to fix it, he came as a baby, as a man, as Jesus, he lived life as a human, experienced the brokenness first hand, and then fixed it. We can have a taste of that now, and He promises that one day we’ll be able to see how it was meant to be, we’ll be able to live the fixed version, and it will stay like that for eternity.


I guess that’s what I needed to process, that yes, life is hard, and broken, but God is bigger than it all, He is more than enough. He provides ways when there seems to be no way, He guides us, leads us, and carries us through.