It’s time for Five Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo and all the other wonderful people who link up over there. 5 minutes writing, no editing, no over thinking, just plain writing from the heart, at stupid o’clock.
This week’s prompt is….
I’ve used that word in my head a lot this week “Wonder” I’m left wondering.
I wonder in good ways and in bad ways. Some wonder is because of grief, or confusion, or a lack of understanding. Other wonder is simple the inability to take in the awesomeness, or depth, or weight of the moment.
I wonder why things didn’t go as planned. I wonder if things will go as I hope. I wonder why I am ill again, when all I have done is give Him praise, when all seemed to be going so well, when the timing couldn’t seem to be worse. I wonder about it all. I know My God is in control, I know He will make beauty out of it, and I trust Him in that, but I wonder why it must be like this, and I wonder where it is going.
I wonder if Jesus really did descend to hell. It seems a little like a void point to many, but for me, now, in the moment, it is so very important. Did God’s own son go to hell? Does he understand that pain of watching the one you love go there? I wonder at the things I may never know the answer to, the mysteries of God.
I think upon the sacrifice God made as he became man, Emmanuel, Jesus, and lived here on this earth. I think upon the rootless, homeless, life he lived. I think of the suffering endured each day, culminating in hanging on that cross. I think about His grace, His mercy, His plan of redemption. I think upon my life and the ways in which he has turned it, shaped it, moulded it into beauty. I wonder at it all, all the awesomeness, and holiness, and beauty.
I wonder at so much, and yet it is only Him that causes me to wonder in silence, for there are no words to describe all that He is to me, and all that He has done for me.
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I have written a lot of thank you’s this week. FMF post, and yesterday’s post. So I am going to concentrate on things that have happened the past week that I am thankful for:
1. Pebbles, or Helena as she will now be known, being born. (That was this morning, but we’re counting it as part of the past week)
2. Breakfast and gingerbread lattes in bed for my birthday.
3. Distant friends who have rallied around me on twitter and emails. Close by friends who loved on me.
4. One of our youth who has been undergoing chemo and had complications got out of hospital!
5. A great time with Justin Davis answering questions on faith, yesterday at CrossPoint.
This week, things I am looking forward to:
1. Hopefully meeting Pebbles for the first time.
2. Picking my dad up from the airport
3. Seeing my brother. The three of us being together.
4. Eating the pick’n’mix that we treated ourselves to.
5.Work Christmas party! I’ve heard it’s the event of the year.
What are you looking forward to?
I’ve not posted much the past week, other than FMF. I am still writing, and maybe one day it will make it up here. I’ve been reading lots of Gitz’s writing this week, and it’s been feeding my soul. Some days choosing joy is much more of a hard choice than other days. Sometimes I need this reminder more than other days:
Today I need to list things I am thankful for. I need to focus myself on joy. Here we go:
I am thankful for…
- Christmas lights that make houses and shops and streets feel so warm and welcoming.
- Christmas candles that sparkle and bring quiet to my soul.
- Friends who come over simply to chat and chill.
- My little kids club group who remind me what it is to have child-like faith and trust.
- Rainbows which remind us of God’s unfailing promises.
- Friends who welcome me into their homes at all hours just to lie and be.
- Central heating to warm my house.
- Hot water for long showers.
- The internet.
- All of you who read, comment, email, and be a part of this blog.
- My local church, who opens its doors to everyone and anyone.
- The community at my local church who love well.
- The youth here,who model so well what it is to be vulnerable, open, and honest.
- The youth here, who strive after Gods heart, who choose his joy in the face of hardship, and who are desperate to go deeper.
- My housemate who stays up to all hours with me when I’m feeling less than great.
- My sister who is always at the end of a phone, and always brings a smile to my face.
- Music, energizing, calming, joyful, expressive, music.
- Comfort from Him.
- The FMF community, what lovely, loving, welcoming, encouraging, ladies.
- Lindsey – I am so thankful (in)courage bought her into my life. Always a kind word, always joy, usually crazy, mostly fun, full of love.
- Libby – Always right at the otherside of my inbox, twitter feed, facebook page. Always hugging me with her words. Full of love, Thankful she is a new addition to my life. My life is so much richer.
- Stefanie – Thank you Lindsey for connecting us. Always full of joy, always pointing me to Christ, always gentle yet full of truth, a little bit of crazy in there too.
- For each of my CrossPoint peeps – for all they add to my life, encouragement, fun, support, challenges, love. You are so special to me.
- For CrossPoint the way it loves people, welcomes people, lives Christ, reaches out to all people around the world. The dedicated people who make the online campus happen each week.
- For airplanes that allow us to travel across the world in a day.
- For my car which gets me all over the country to see all sorts of people.
- The finances to go on my upcoming trip.
- God’s control over timing and visas to allow me to be where I need to be when I need to be.
- Finances generally. Provision to buy food, clothes, have a house, pay the bills.
- My godkids. I don’t get to see them much, but each of them are so incredibly special to me in unique ways.
- The work God is doing in me.
- Christmas – that God would become a tiny vulnerable baby, and choose to live, here, on earth, with all this crap, simply to show us how much he loves us, and to make a way for us to be together, forever. To choose to live in this broken place, with the ultimate goal of dying. Amazing.
- Friends who feel comfortable enough in my home to nap on the sofa whilst I blog.
- Pebbles – a very special baby on the verge of being born.
- Leaders who support, encourage, and value me.
- Doctors who help our bodies heal when they are broken.
- Drugs that make our body well, keep our bodies well, and reduce pain.
- Worship, sweet worship.
- Gingerbread lattes.
- My uncle – bringer of fun, laughter, silliness, love.
- My parents – who love me well, sacrifice for me, always make time and space for me.
- My brothers – who lived my childhood with me. Made memories, and still making memories together, despite the miles that separate us.
- My other parents – who have loved, cared for, provided for, encouraged, blessed, included, me – their adopted child.
- The Spirit who intercedes for me when I simply cannot find the words.
- Stillness – quiet – time – to be, with my saviour. Just be.
- His faithfulness. Always faithful.
I hadn’t planned to go as far as 50! But I couldn’t help myself. There is so much to be thankful for, from the tiny things, right up to the big big things. Even when we have to make a conscious effort to see the blessings around us, and be intentional about giving thanks, there is still SO much to be thankful for.
Won’t you add to my list?
What are you thankful for?
UPDATE: #37 Pebbles, is now even more on the verge of being born. She was due any day, and now she is literally coming as we speak. Her beautiful mother is in labour! I am SO excited to meet this precious girl.