I spend hours of my morning writing out lists. “To do” lists, seven of them in total, separated out into the different responsibilities I hold. They are long and seem to continually grow. They cover my desk and once finished I blu-tac them one by one to the wall in front of me. It’s good to have the mess of undone things down on paper, good to have it out of my brain, to free up space for productivity, creativity, peace.
The lists are done, written up, pinned up, staring me in the face. I sit frozen, looking at them, the length of them, and the magnitude of individual items. Where do I even start? How do I decide what is most important, most urgent? How do I begin to even tackle some of those items.
I rest my head in my hands feeling defeated. I cry out to the only one I know who will help.
I cry out to my God.
I cry out to my Father.
I cry out to the one who saves me from all things – even this crazy pile of not-yet-done-ness.
I ask him to help, I confess without Him I can do nothing. I ask Him to speak, to show me where to start, how to start, to tell me it’s ok, to tell me that together we’ll do it, together we will achieve. I wait and listen. I smile, I am so thankful I have The Conqueror on my side.
I hear Him whisper it to my heart.
It fights against everything within me, I have been silent for so long in this web-space. My fingers have remained so still. I don’t have the words at the moment.
It fights against my reason, there are so many important things that need to be done, so many boring tasks that should first be completed.
I put my fight and my complaints against him. But again He repeats himself.
“Blog, write. Write this.”
So here I sit, writing, writing this.
Here I sit and I see that He was right, that this is what I needed, to put fingers to keyboard, to let the words flow from my heart, to remember this, to connect with you all.
I sit typing out these words and I smile, because He takes delight in me having enjoyment. He is not just interested in getting lists of jobs done, but interested in connecting, interested in me, not my ability to do things.
I sit here and I know that He is walking with me, that He is working through these lists with me, that He goes before me. I sit here knowing that with Him all things are possible.
I sit here calm, peaceful, ready to tackle those lists.
He walked towards me with great intention, purpose in his eyes, ready to fight. I smiled at him to try and soften him a little, and put my hand out to greet him.
“Good morning! I’m EJ, it’s nice to meet you”
“Why do you work to help people who only work to kill our people?”
There was obviously going to be niceties this morning with this man. I lifted a silent prayer.
“Not all of them work to kill our people, that is what the media would have you believe but it is not true.”
“But they are full of hate, and forgiveness, and we are a people of peace, but they seek to kill. Why do you choose to help them and live with them?”
The conversation continued. The media tainting his view of these people, him speaking out his fear, his anger, his lack of knowledge. Me speaking the compassion that God has given me, speaking of God’s love for them, of their need for Christ. We go back on forth. I have tears in my eyes, for this man who is so scared, and for those people who have been put in such a bad light.
I get called for sound check, I tell him I have to go, but first I stop.
“Can I pray for you? Can I pray that you may see these people through God’s eyes? Can I pray God’s blessing and love into your life?”
He gives me permission and I pray.
There are so many more like this man. So many who have the media speaking louder in their lives than God. So many who are hurt, and fearful of these people. Would you join me in praying for them?
We are in dire need of God to soften hearts on both sides. Soften the hearts of His people to love the others, and soften the hearts of the others to hear His calling, His word, and know their need for Him.