He is here too.Posted: May 17, 2013
I spend hours of my morning writing out lists. “To do” lists, seven of them in total, separated out into the different responsibilities I hold. They are long and seem to continually grow. They cover my desk and once finished I blu-tac them one by one to the wall in front of me. It’s good to have the mess of undone things down on paper, good to have it out of my brain, to free up space for productivity, creativity, peace.
The lists are done, written up, pinned up, staring me in the face. I sit frozen, looking at them, the length of them, and the magnitude of individual items. Where do I even start? How do I decide what is most important, most urgent? How do I begin to even tackle some of those items.
I rest my head in my hands feeling defeated. I cry out to the only one I know who will help.
I cry out to my God.
I cry out to my Father.
I cry out to the one who saves me from all things – even this crazy pile of not-yet-done-ness.
I ask him to help, I confess without Him I can do nothing. I ask Him to speak, to show me where to start, how to start, to tell me it’s ok, to tell me that together we’ll do it, together we will achieve. I wait and listen. I smile, I am so thankful I have The Conqueror on my side.
I hear Him whisper it to my heart.
It fights against everything within me, I have been silent for so long in this web-space. My fingers have remained so still. I don’t have the words at the moment.
It fights against my reason, there are so many important things that need to be done, so many boring tasks that should first be completed.
I put my fight and my complaints against him. But again He repeats himself.
“Blog, write. Write this.”
So here I sit, writing, writing this.
Here I sit and I see that He was right, that this is what I needed, to put fingers to keyboard, to let the words flow from my heart, to remember this, to connect with you all.
I sit typing out these words and I smile, because He takes delight in me having enjoyment. He is not just interested in getting lists of jobs done, but interested in connecting, interested in me, not my ability to do things.
I sit here and I know that He is walking with me, that He is working through these lists with me, that He goes before me. I sit here knowing that with Him all things are possible.
I sit here calm, peaceful, ready to tackle those lists.