Five Minute Friday : Afraid

Hello dear friends. It’s been a while I know. Sorry. I have been neglecting my blog the past few days. I’ve had a lot of other deadlines to meet (and am still working to meet) , plus I’m busy trying to re-adjust to this little island we call the UK.

That’s my next point. I’m back here, in this time-zone, which means I’m writing this at 5 am again. I’ve lost my time-zone difference favour. Now it’s back to early mornings! And I’m no morning person. Anyway, here it goes. My 5 minutes linked with Lisa-Jo. Click the button below to find out more information.

5-minute-friday-1

This weeks topic is…

AFRAID

GO

I sit up in my bed, knees hugged to my chest.
Longing to be in His presence.
Longing to know His peace.
Longing for His healing.

I sit up in my bed, knees hugged to my chest.
Knowing I am unworthy.
Knowing I am a sinner.
Knowing I have been unfaithful.

I sit up in my bed, knees hugged to my chest.
Afraid.

I step out of bed, trembling.I kneel on the ground, heart pounding.
I close my eyes, terrified

Afraid.
But desperate.

Afraid.
But hopeful.

Afraid.Because He is so perfect, and I am so flawed.

Desperation.
Longing.
Sorrow.
Repentance.
Fear.
They all burst forth.

I weep.
Sobs shake through my body.
Snotty, ugly crying.

Then the words flow.
I am so sorry
Please don’t hide yourself from me.
Please don’t take your presence from me.
I’m so sorry.
Help me.
Change my heart.
Please.

Afraid.
Waiting for His response.

Silence.

Then it comes.
His perfect peace.
His complete reassurance.
His total forgiveness.

“I love you, you are mine. Do not fear. You have been redeemed.”

STOP

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12 Comments on “Five Minute Friday : Afraid”

  1. Danielle says:

    Love this post – reminding us that we are His redeemed daughters and there is no fear when we belong to Him! Blessings to you, stopping in for FmF!

    • EJ Reading says:

      Isn’t it so wonderful to know we are redeemed? To know He can make good even out of our mistakes, to know that out of ashed beauty really does rise.
      Thanks for coming by Danielle.

  2. I live in Eastern time zone and have two kids. If I stay up until the prompt is released I don’t get to bed until almost 1 am. And that doesn’t work. I get the time zone advantage. And I love that you understand his holiness so well, and your position as a sinner, that you know you are not worthy but you come back anyway because you have to–you know He is the only source of peace.

  3. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing and your voice is beautiful in this post.

  4. Stefanie says:

    Oh, sweet friend! As I read your words, my heartbeat picked up the pace. I relate all too well to the words you beautifully crafted. In fact, one week ago today I moments exactly as you described. Then (then is one of my favorite words because you know He’s going to do something or already has), it comes! Just as you shared. Perfect peace which transcends human understanding.

    He’s such a wonderfully, loving Father!!

    Love you dearly…

    • EJ Reading says:

      Yes, this really is me, finally getting round to replying to comments 2 weeks later. Yes, I do feel guilty and ashamed.

      Isn’t is overwhelmingly wonderful how there is always more grace, that He will never leave, never turn away, that after every mistake, every failing, when we turn around he’s still there? Something I find so hard to accept and believe. Such love.

      Thank you for being in my life.

  5. And BAM there you have it!! Awesome!! So true isn’t we are afraid of His response and He says to us everytime…I love you, you are mine, Do not fear you have been redeemed!! This is awesome.. Love you

  6. amyctilson says:

    Holy fear is a good thing and is the beginning of wisdom. There is a recognition of the position of ourselves and God. What a beautiful reminder of this truth we often don’t acknowledge. (Welcome home. Hope your trip was amazing and fruitful.)

    • EJ Reading says:

      For so many years I’ve pondered on that verse and wondered what holy-fear looks like, maybe this is a glimpse.
      To know that I am so unworthy and yet He still loves me, and gives to me, and uses me, just makes me so much more grateful, and so much more in awe of Him.

      My trip was AMAZING. I need to find a way of sharing about it with you sometime.


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