I Confess

I am writing to confess to you that I have been wrong.

I write asking for God’s forgiveness, and hoping that you will see past my self to a God, a saviour, a conqueror who is so great, so mighty, so wonderful.

 

I have written much lately out of my own hurt and pain.
I have taken my gaze off Him who is worthy.
I have refused to let myself be comforted by the comforter.

 

I have spoken out and spread doubt,fear, and pain.

 

Let me now speak out to you love, rescue, worthiness.

 

My God never leaves my side, He never stops fighting for me, never stops running after me, never stops pursuing me.
My saviour, Jesus Christ, loves me so dearly, he longs for me so deeply, that he risked it all for me. He came as a tiny vulnerable baby, risking all he had, and in the end sacrificing it all, for me, to have a relationship me.
My God, creator God, saviour, father, has it all. All of this, it’s all his, he shares it with us, and he longs for us, and will never stop fighting for us. We are merely a creation by him, a receiver of his promises, just one person in the canvas of eternity. He is so worthy, so able. Yet he chooses us, which makes him more worthy, he sacrifices, he allows himself to hurt, so we might be healed. I am so selfish to question if it is worth it, to question what gain I get. It’s not about me, it never was, it’s about Him, and He is so worthy.
My God, Holy Spirit, he comforts me, rescues me from despair. Even though He has no need to justify our suffering, and even though he is worthy of it, he still comes and rescues us, he still comes and takes our hand and walks with us with his arm around us through the sacrifice, through the pain, through the hurt. He rescues us.
And when I shrug his arm off He stands there still, walking next to us still, he carries on fighting for us, carries on trying to take my hand, carries on whispering my name.

 

I have been wrong to spread doubt and frustration. Forgive me.

 

I am so thankful for grace, and so overwhelmed by my saviour’s willingness to save me time and time again.

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3 Comments on “I Confess”

  1. RevdRich says:

    Hi Em,
    It’s definitely possible to get buried in the misery of some aspects of daliy life for sure, and ‘lifitng your eyes up to the hills to see that your help comes from the maker of heaven and earth’ etc is a helpful remedy & it’s very liberating to praise in all circumstances… BUT don’t be afraid or embarrased to be real in what you say. God knows all your emotions. For what it’s worth I reckon thatn for those observing your life it’s the praising in and despite the struggling that communicates most. ‘why are you so downcast o my soul.. yet i will still praise him’.

    • ejreading says:

      I agree Rich, it is definitely important to be real, I just hope that in my real-ness I urge people toward Christ and not away from Him. It’s also so important to keep perspective, to be willing to trust God knows in all circumstances, and not be consumed by what surrounds us and our own understanding, or lack of it.
      I long to have a good balance of being real and honest, whilst still speaking out truth I know to be true, even when experience makes you wonder.

  2. Travis says:

    Excellent article, thanks.


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